Forgetting Snape
by AwryandZoe
Summary: CARICATURE! Harry's contemplating life! Ginny's giving birth! And Arthur Weasley is watching telemission? Who are you? And who is the CooCoo Man?


Do you know the muffin man?

Well, he told me to tell you that the roommate of your pet monkey's daughter son... Oh just nevermind.

Read the story.

Oh yessss, the summary:

HARRY'S CONTEMPLATING LIFE!  
GINNY'S GIVING BIRTH!  
AND ARTHUR WEASLEY IS WATCHING TELEMISSION?

Who are you?  
And who is the Coo-Coo Man?

HARRY'S CONTEMPLATING LIFE!  
GINNY'S GIVING BIRTH!  
AND ARTHUR WEASLEY IS WATCHING TELEMISSION?

Who are you?  
And who is the Coo-Coo Man?

Warning: We are not mocking the Harry Potter series. We, in fact, love the Harry Potter series, excluding the seventh book, of course.

We do not own Harry Potter. Got it? Good.

-----------------

And if you thought we were idiotic before,

Well,

this tops our first story.

We like to call this little number …. FORGETTING SNNNAAAAPPPPE!

Yes, sing that out loud as you read it.

………………..

Indian tradition once stated (that's in the past tense, meaning in the past, probably before you were even born, no, wait, definitely before you were born, because there is no more Indian tradition, unless you count casinos, or those few who weren't slaughtered, but that's like two, and they're probably dead by now) that the proper burial of a great spiritual leader is meaningful and phenomenal. Phenomenal being this burial of the body allows the spirit, or soul, to float away happily into the afterlife. If the body of a deceased is not respected, bad shit happens.

But of course, our hero, the mighty, stupendous, loving, caring, just, and sometimes a little self-absorbed, SEVERUS SNAPE…( Wait… what?) was not regarded in this matter. Because once you get down to it, he wasn't even the hero of the story. Actually, the poor, greasy-haired git that is Severus has been… accidentally… uh, how to put this in a good way?

ABANDONED!!!

And no one realizes this until Mister Famous Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the boy with the lightning scar, the boy who once knew of Bat in the dungeons, and the man who wished he was a boy instead of the husband next to a screaming wife.

She wasn't screaming in anger, per say, but more in the agony of giving birth to another life. The hospital scene surrounding Harry reminded him of all the pain that he has caused others in life, how just people coming into contact with him brought them misery and woe. He remember the scrapes and bruises he once caused Hermione and Ron in the first year at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. He remembered that one time when Sirius almost got his soul sucked out after being brutally attacked by a werewolf, who happened to be Sirius's best friend. He remembered Ron's broken leg, Luna Lovegood's bloody lip, Neville wetting pants (multiple times), Hermione turning into a cat, Mrs. Figg breaking a leg, Dudley getting a pig tail, Dudley almost getting devoured by dementors, Dumbledore's untimely death, Hedwig exploding, George's lost ear, Bill getting massacred by a werewolf (not a best friend this time), Professor Snape assaulted by three hormonal teenagers, Professor Trelawney losing her job, Hermione breaking her nail that one time, almost getting his wife's life taken by a crazed lunatic that happened to live in a diary, countless other deaths, and Professor Snape getting bitten by a…snake?

"Oh, shit!"

And immediately, Harry pulled out his cell phone, and with Hermione being on speed-dial numbah TWO, he decided to call her first.

Luckily, wherever Hermione was, Ron was sure to follow.

And it just happened they were at the Weasley household, the Burrow.

Arthur Weasley had just stumbled upon a rather intriguing Muggle artifact; Hermione claimed this magic picture box was called a television, or TV. Mister Weasley liked to call it The Meaning of Life for he made himself a permanent spot on the couch when the TV, his savior, arrived. Reruns of Bewitched, I Love Lucy, and an assortment of old cartoons, like Batman and Superman and even the Looney Tunes gave meaning to Mister Weasley's life. The TV became his new wife, son, daughter, nephew, and sometimes a niece. But what Mister Weasley loved most about the telemission were the funny people giving him life advice; Hermione said they were known as advertisements, and that they were just a pain to deal with. Mr. Weasley thought otherwise, especially considering this fun, new, easy-to-make, drink the Coo-Coo Man told him to get.

Hermione was so happy, and thankful to Merlin when her cell phone rang, for at that very moment Arthur Weasley was insisting she watch the damn commercial for the MILLIONITH TIME!

"Uh, Hermione…?"

"Harry?"

"We forgot about something."

"We forgot about WHAT!?" Ron chirped.

"RONALD! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SCREAMING INTO MY EAR!" Hermione shrieked into Ronald Weasley's ear.

"OWWWW!" Harry yelped.

"Okay, Harry. Please excuse Ronald for his rude behavior. Now what did we forget? Hopefully, not the fire whiskey again. You remember what Kreacher did with that last time."

"Hermione! We.. We.. WE FORGOT SNAPE!"

"Oh shit!" HERMIONE SCREAMED.

"Oh SHIT!?" Ron SHRIEKED LIKE A GIRL.

"OHHH, YEAHHH!" the Coo-Coo Man rejoiced.

"WE FORGOT SNAPE!" Hermione explained to Ron.

"Wait, last night at the party… that tall guy with the.. um.. thing.. the-the Greece.. the.. OH! SOMBERO!"

"…OUR POTIONS PROFESSOR, RONALD! HE TAUGHT US FOR SIX YEARS!"

"Oh… where'd we forget him? Was he at the party? Why would he invite him? He seems like.. kind of a downer.. Wasn't the last time we saw him.. at that war thing? You know, the one where Harry did stuff, and you did stuff, and I did stuff, and it all it turned alright, cause we did stuff, AND WE RULED!"

"Ronald, I don't know how to say this, but I'll be blunt… Professor Snape is dead."

"Then, how could we forget at the party? Why would we even invite him if he's dead. Merlin, you guys are dumb."

"HE GOT BITTEN BY A SNAKE, RONALD!"

"Wow, that must have been some CRAZY par-TAYY!"

"Guys, you're missing the big picture here," Harry began to speak.

Although, that was pointless because Hermione was continuing to explain Snape to Ron.

"The man… the man with the swishing cloak, the deep voice, the deep eyes you gaze into for hours, the man with wonderful hands, so strong, masculine to the bone, who smelled of herbs…"

"It sounds like you have a crush on him or something… HEY! WAIT A SECOND! YOU'RE WITH ME! I'm GONNA GIVE THIS HERE SNAPEY FELLA A PIECE OF MY MIND!"

"Nanananananana! BATMAN!" the magical picture box exclaimed.

"OH BOY! MY FAVORITE!" Arthur Weasley was practically jumping up and down.

"LET'S GET HIM!" Ron spat with distaste and jealousy boiling under his skin.

Hermione sighed, rubbed her temples, "Fine. Let's just go. Harry, we'll meet you at the Shrieking Shack."

"BATMANNNNNNN!"

"Golly, gee whiz, Batman, you're totally super-duper. And I think your tights make you look…."

…………………………………..

Ron was first to arrive at the Shrieking Shack.

"Now, where is the Snape guy, eh?"

He marched with purpose towards the moldy front door.

Harry was next to appear.

"I think," Harry announced with grandeur, "he was last… seen, by me, of course… in… the……………"

"SPIT IT OUT ALREADY, HARRY! I WANNA GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND! With his deep-set eyes, and masculinity, that I COULD HAVE. Totally. Watch me. I'm totally manly… Yeah… totally."

"He was… in the living room… with the candlestick."

"REALLY?!"

"No. Just in the living room, Ron."

And so, they marched into the living room.

"Hey, Harry.." Ron spotted the non-moving body and quickly began poking it.

"What, Ron?"

"Ya know, this is just a guess, BUT I think he's dead."

"Really, Ron? I would have never guessed."

"Yeah, yeah. Just take a look! I don't think he's breathing."

As they both leaned over to examine the once breathing, cloak twirling man, the man in question suddenly FLEW INTO THE AIR!

"BOOGEETY-BOOGEETY!" he chanted while flailing his arms about.

"OH MY GOD! HE'S ALLLLLLIIIIIVVVEE!!" Ron observed.

Little did they did they knew, one serpent-looking-man was behind them with wand raised.

"YessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssss," the serpent-man-thing with glowing-red eyes, no nose, and no ears hissed.

"Wow, you're a little a creepy," Ron decided to be frank, "Maybe you could see a plastic surgeon, or something, ya know?"

"Yeah, and your red hair's not something to be proud about either, now is it? At least, I strike fear, FEAR, into the hearts of everyone who sees me. All you do.. is… go out and point out other people's problems, why not look in a mirror, you ginger freak!?"

"Yeah, you said it, Voldie!" Snape cheered while punching a fist in the air.

"Well, I … uhh.." Ron began his attempts at public speaking.

"Hey, wait.." Harry pondered out loud, "you look awfully familiar. HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE VOLDEMORT!"

"YessssSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSs," Voldemort hissed ( he seems to do that a lot), "and you're both dead. AVADA KADABRA!"

Harry and Ron promptly fell to ground, stone cold.

By this time in the story, Hermione arrives on the scene.

"Sorry, guys," Hermione began apologizing, "I decided to get some frap..pu..ccin…oes.."

Her sentence was cut off as she noticed the two dead bodies of her best friend and first husband, and then, the very alive body of one, Severus Snape.

She looked up, then down, and up, and down, and up one more time.

"How's it going, Snappppey? Like the new look. You're eyes are as smoldering as ever."

And as Snape was flabbergasted by a young witch's interest in him and Hermione was concentrated on flirting with said flabbergasted Snape, Voldemort could be seen tip-toeing away.

And as awkward as Hermione flirting with Snape was, it couldn't possibly compare the pain young Ginny Potter was experiencing in St. Mungo's hospital.

"ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET THIS DAMED BABY OUT OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

…………….

The end.

We should get Chewbaka, you know that one furry dude from STAR WARS dudnudndundudn... to do Ginny's scream.


End file.
